A sense of alienation

Families galore. Relationships galore. I see them every where. They seem perfect. They seem to flourish so effortlessly. So effortlessly do they flow. I wonder how they flow so seamlessly. People go about their work and come back to their families. It seems so natural . So simple. Love flows like a river unhindered . Love emanates from these families so flawlessly that love seems commonplace.

Are my senses so blinded that I do not perceive such closeness and love in my own familial connections. What eludes me. Why this sense of alienation from something so familiar . Something so near. Why is this nearness a source of anathema in my life. Why do I want to run away from all of it. Why this urge to recede from them . Why this feeling of necessity to run far away and establish new relationships . It’s difficult to find answers however hard I may try.

Do the answers lie somewhere in between . In between their callousness towards me and my cringing from them or my inability to connect with them on a more basic level. Here I am writing about myself and my family relationships . Whichever way it is, it’s been a burden to carry them. A burden to always act normal and cared for. Doubt seizes my mind. I fail to discern properly where it would lead me. But I am slowly but surely coming to terms with my want to sever my old ties and form new ones. I am feeling less guilty now to come out of relationships which are hollow and empty and form new, more fulfilling ties. I feel a sense of enthusiasm for new beginnings, to form new and happy memories. There is no sense of foreboding now. No doubt in my mind.But a feeling of goodness and kindness inhabits my whole being.

Note-Photo from Google